Bullying Variables Hard Cross To Bear

From the age of 13 all the way to about 17, I saw so much bullying that it made me sick. Way back then the way to go was to mentally beat up on any person who did not "fit in." I never could comprehend why this tough guy way of thinking was so popular...indeed it was the rage, the most wonderful thing young humans could do. Also, if you were not that into sports then you were ostracized and treated like a non-human.  The problem never seemed to go away and the mental anguish just kept lingering and lingering. I do not know why in our culture we feel it is a grand idea to squelch any being who wants to be a free thinker and just not run with the rest of the pack. If a person enjoys classical music or jazz or fine dramatists like Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller or even A. Chekov then that soul is a bad bug that needs to be stomped either mentally or physically. However, I have meditated on my increasingly acidic sarcasm defense mechanism over the years and I realize (now that I am wretchedly old) that I used over and over my picaresque shallow skeptic brittleness and virulent nastiness to get back at all the mental loons that swirled around me seemingly all the time. I think now that the fact that I used all my skeptic word processes and nihilistic mental angst over and over as a young male is in truth an absurd reasoning also (thanks for the "absurd reasoning" paradigm" my thoughtful one A. Camus) and I know now that I am an inane charlatan perhaps one might say a skinny fox running around in the Georgia environs with my horrendously gigantic head and emaciated silly-looking body. Another aspect of my years that really sickens me is the fact of being rejected so many times. My mother kept telling me her loopy mantra of "just be yourself" and all of that common sense conundrum. I was never a smooth-talking really savvy male so I hit the wall socially...it seemed like the rejection idiocy was a constant albatross to bear. To sum up...Why in the world can't we learn how to make better lives for ourselves and somehow find a little joy and happiness in this steadily more complicated and meaningless American society. .